The Patriotic Idiot Down The Street

USA USA USA USA USA USA USA

Hi I’m the patriotic idiot down the street and it is that time of year for my favorite holiday. Well I kind of like Christmas when I buy myself a few firearms. That is a discussion for another day. Yes July 4 is my favorite holiday. I do like New Year’s Eve too as I get to set off lots of fireworks. It’s freaking cold New Year’s Eve.

Yes I wake up early on this holiday and I go to my cooler and read that blue label on the can , and it says I am cold enough to drink. It is so cool how they put that thing on the can because I never knew when It would be cold enough to drink. Right now I am four cans of Coors into the day and ready to set off some fireworks

Oh wow that’s the really cool people down the street got a new puppy. I really like dogs they are so darn cute. I have Sparky out on the chain in the backyard for some reason he doesn’t love this holiday but fuck him. Today is my day. Excuse me a minute while I go get another can of beer.

Looks like the county made fireworks illegal this year. I have two choice words for them. God bless America.

My neighbor Johnny dropped a cigarette last night and lit his backyard on fire. I wish that idiot would be a little safer around where he puts out a cigarette. He really shouldn’t be smoking he’s too fat already. Oh I finished my beer already I better put some more in the cooler.

Bam -A blast echoes

Holy Christ sake I didn’t realize that would go off like that. Shit that’s gonna hurt. Maybe I should start smoking. Maybe I’ll cool it for a couple hours. I’ll get me a few more beers and just wait till it’s a little closer to dark. Oh there goes that puppy again.

“Hey there’s Mr. Peterson” he says to the man wearing his military uniform from back in the day. He’s a little weird he gets all strange when he hears a loud noise. That must be tough. “Thank you for your service Mr. you’re a true patriot.”

But I love love this holiday. And now my hand it’s bleeding. Maybe I should go to the doctor. I forgot I don’t have a doctor. Screw it.

I blame the fucking metric system