Antidotes of My Mom

From My Mom

September 23 -Her Birthday Crash Into Me

Have you heard the song Crash by Dave Mathews. It is the only Dave Mathew’s song I actually like. Well one day my Mom and Dad left for work, in separate cars, at the same time. They returned rather quickly and I asked my Mom why she was back so early.

She said she got into an accident. So apparently what actually happened is she got into an accident, running her car into into my Dads car. It may have happened in reverse or some where in between.

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. We heard this all the time as kids and still we got the egg turner, everybody else it’s a spatula, across our behind for some transgression. I remember when this form of punishment had pretty much run its course and mom decided to use a wooden spoon. I believe my brother Steve got whacked in the ass and the spoon broke in half and flew across the room. Well the old axiom this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you, had run its course as well.

Then there was a time when I got the speech about the birds and the bees. What Follows is awkward, however what should be noted is that it was my mom giving me the speech about the birds and the bees. She was like that – she did most of the work. She tried to show me the difference between a boy and a girl using our beagle Freddy. She rolled over Freddy, and proceeded to show me what made Freddy a girl. The ironic part is when she named Freddy I don’t think she really knew how to tell the difference between a boy dog and a girl dog. Yeah we had a girl dog named Freddie. Still anyways she proceeded to show me the difference between a boy and a girl using Freddy. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. Freddie was just as lost as I. Oh what is worth, here is a full proof method to keep your children from smoking as adults. I will get back to that a little later.

Other things I learned from my mom.

• If you can see the underside of leaves on a tree, a storm is coming
• never talk back to an adult.
• Do not pee in the yard
• thou shall value learning and education
• Treat other people as you expect to be treated
• It’s OK to go to church on the holidays only
• There are no boys clothes or girls clothes just clothes
• A wash line is a beautiful thing

I remember a hurricane moving in during the third week in September. My dad was passed out, she gathered us, the dogs and all that was needed and took us to safety. We stayed with a nice little family in a small town in Maryland. I believe it was Selbyville

We wrote thank you cards to that family for years. My Dad did eventually wake up and yes we learned the value of thank you cards. And to respect a hurricane. Ironically another hurricane wiped out our house a few years later. That is a story for another day.

Well anyway this is how you keep your kids from smoking. My mom was proactive and she gave my brother and I a cigarette to smoke thinking we would not like them and would never smoke again. I passed on that one. My brother Steve he did not. He got sick as hell. Me the empathetic one, worried for my brother.

Steve later ended up smoking. This does have a happy ending and he eventually quit.

The thing is, the stories are pretty common and every day but to me they are larger than life and I remember them with clarity, adoration respect and love. Happy birthday to my mom it would’ve been I don’t know 80 tomorrow. She would have celebrated with a walk in the woods, bingo and a bit of roller derby