Psychopaths -A Love Story

Before online dating hit the main stream there existed a dating APP called E-Rhapsody where singles, most being religious zealots, could post pictures, profiles, religious credos and racist rants into cyber space. What made the experience, that much more entertaining, is that much of this amorous activity was done with a ring of the telephone and the buzzing of a 9600 baud modem. This was deferred gratification working to perfection. In a high tech world, high tech was something Ward had not yet mastered. Then again he had not mastered much in his life. He was rather handy with a cement mixer,

He sat with a forty ounce bottle of malt liqueur, balanced on a crumbling cinder block. His dry auburn, ill groomed, hair tilted to one side testifying to the fact he hadn’t looked in the mirror since waking up an hour ago. He fumed because somebody, within earshot, was quietly playing a bit of classical music and it put him on edge, but not to the point of violence. He remained somewhat calm, all things considered, he thought of himself as managing quite well. What did he care what he looked like? That was what the internet was for.

He could get dressed up if wanted to but why bother. He consciously thought highly of himself despite his family’s track record. His father was a convicted criminal. He had a long string of assaults on women and one he had nearly killed. When pop came home from jail, the subject was never discussed. Ward, also had a spotty track record that did not quite approach that of his father. He was a young man preparing to go out on a date. The word date made him quiver a bit as date implied the woman he was dating more than likely told somebody about going on a date with Ward.

Teri didn’t really care what her date looked like. She preferred to runt like the wildebeest she is and on a really great night she could seduce, perform and empty the wallet of her would be suitor. Her smarmy, yet borderline charming husband , would remain clueless to her need for lower maslovian satisfaction. His job at the computer chip factory, while it paid all the bills, kept him busy on most nights.

Who was she kidding, even if he didn’t have this job he probably wouldn’t pay all that much attention to her. That damn kid of his always got in the way.

Terry and Ward hadn’t met before tonight other than an occasional text message back and forth. Teri was a borderline technological wizard and Ward was handy with construction tools. After consuming a half dozen or so tall boys, he walked down to to the payphone on the corner, deposited a dime, and sat and listened to the phone ring into eternity. He hastily, grabbed the dime from the slot, surprised the coin return worked, and tried his luck with a quarter. The quarter fell to the ground and slowly rolled on edge toward the curb. Once again the phone rang without answer and the coins were quickly forgotten.

Something pissed of Ward, which resulted in the black plastic phone receiver getting smashed to smithereens against the shiny silver numbers that he had recently dialed. In retrospect, it is a minor miracle the phone worked in the first place.

Teri was on a blender bender. She stood by the window and looked out at the lushness that is Forest Park in early spring. She thought to herself, how secluded her life and home were. She could bury a truck load of money on the hill side and the only way somebody would find it would be if a mudslide occurred.

She started throwing various fruits, juices, ice and a few healthy measures of what she believed to be tequila. It was hidden in a drawer so her husband would not find it. He knew she was a drinker, and if it was in the house he might drink it as well. Not that she gave a shit, the liquor store was a long way to drive today. She drove under the influence often, but that long ride would eat into her getting ready time.

Her drink was a very strong lime green concoction that actually didn’t taste all that bad. She decided against making herself a sandwich and finished her second large tumbler while applying far too much rouge and lipstick. She started getting a bit foggy around the edges and suddenly couldn’t remember if she had to pick up that god damn kid of hers. He ruined god damn everything.

She poured her self another and put some Charlie Daniel’s on the CD player, just to get her self in the mood. She slammed the glass on the counter, without turning off the music, grabbed her keys and headed out to her truck . She could walk to the tavern but she knew she had too much to drink to walk to the bar along a busy rural road. That logic made sense to her, which put her behind the wheel of a monster of pickup truck. She slipped into gear and drove the half mile to the bar without incident.

The bar was open and spacious. The reflection of the sun dappled leaves played little tricks with her orientation. Luckily she was wearing sun glasses. Her flaming red hair picked up the mid afternoon sun and made her look much prettier, at a glance. She signaled to the bar tender what looked like a peace sign. The bar tender picked up the signal and knew she wanted a beer and a shot and that beer better not be a micro brew. She sat out on the deck and smoked a cigarette while her drink was in transit. The smoke gathered overhead meeting up with the hovering smoke of the fireplace.

And out of the lingering smoke slowly emerged a man with ratty brown crackling brown hair and eyes that focused everywhere but right here. His eyes were concrete brown with a slight hint of bloodshot. He smelled like the back end of a cement mixer and Teri found that sexy in its own kind of way.

“Hey there beautiful, I could pick you out of a crowded room. “

Teri and Ward hit it off beautifully evidenced by four empty pitchers of beer and a decimated platter of nachos. Ward walked over to the juke box, slipped a few quarters in the slot and selected a few songs for their enjoyment. Most of the songs he selected, were songs high school girls would choose.

“I’ll believe it when we are in a crowded room” she said as she took a long pull from her rapidly receding beer. Ward didn’t pick up the subtle reference, which she was probably not clever enough to suggest. They were both people of little nuance. She signaled the hostess ,in her own special language, to bring another round for both of them. It was apparent this was not the first date she met at the Skyline Tavern.

Neither of them were much for small talk. The one thing they did agree on where that neither of them were really into children, especially children which were not their own.

He asked Teri if she would like to dance and she demurely declined. The music was of the fast dance variety and she was in the mood for a good old fashioned slow dance. Late afternoon turned into early evening. They held each other up to the tune of Bob Segar’s Night Moves. He nibbled on her ear and she danced with her knee in his crouch. They stumbled and danced for a good long time. As the song wound down, Ward received a gentle tap on the back which he lugubriously ignored.

The tap repeated itself and Teri whispered in his ear. “Somebody wants to talk to you.”
“How may I help you” Ward said to the large man cowering over  him. 
“May I dance with your lady for the next dance

Initially this pissed Ward off, he really needed another beer. He rationalized, that if she was dancing she wasn’t going to be gone when he returned from “freshening up.” It has happened before.

Ward spun in the direction of the man, signaled the bar tender for another drink and made a bee line to the bathroom. He was feeling lucky and at the top of his game.

He took a good long time in the bathroom. He got really pissed off at the man next him at the urinal. “Fucking Portland, he said to the guy. Keep your damn pecker in your pants while you talk” Ward barked at the man who had not uttered a single word. At most, he gave Ward the side eye for reeking of creepiness. Ward kept saying to himself, I have done nothing wrong. They are not going to pin this crime on me. Ward jacked his urinal neighbor up against the wall and told him to keep his god damn mouth shut if he knew what was good for him.

When he got back to the bar, the bar tender informed him this was his last beer as he was being cut off for the night. This pissed him off again sending him into an ever deeper spiral, which fifteen minutes ago he was confident of avoiding.

Then he spotted Teri dancing, mostly disinterested, as her partner was feeling her in places he should not be. One more step down that god damn rabbit hole.

Teri spotted him over her partner’s shoulder and without incident walked over to him and gave him a gentle kiss directly in his food smeared mustache. The song he played on the juke box two hours ago played loudly and filled the room.

He ended up in jail for the night after round housing Teri’s dance partner. His punch had sent the man flying on to the pool table, breaking the man’s left arm. Teri’s husband never pressed charges. He didn’t need this type of publicity.

Teri and Ward did see each other in weeks to come. Teri thought it was the least she could do and Ward saw it as what he had coming. There are rumors flying around that Teri ran off and had a baby as a result.

It’s a scary thought.