I went to the supermarket against my best intuition. Those last five items on the Thanksgiving shopping list in retrospect were not all that important. I generally take the bike, however it was a dark and stormy night. Yes probably the oldest foreshadowing adage of winter nights gone by. And it started raining harder as I pulled into the parking lot of the local chain grocery store.

My mind really was not into this trip to the grocery store. I was going through the motions.

For reasons stated previously, I actually parked on the road adjacent to the parking lot. I grabbed my shopping bag, and started planning the mad dash, avoiding the increasingly wild elements, to the grocery store. The car beeped at me as I got out and I simply ignored it. I have had this car for years, and I pretty much should know why the car is beeping. Well that is what I told my self. To be quite honest the car and I are going through a trial separation. I simply do not drive all that much and the Matrix is probably feeling pretty neglected. I have neglected to feel what she needs during these surreal pandemic times.

Shopping was a non event hidden by the smile hidden by the vibrant mask I wore into the store. I purchased my wife’s beloved egg whites, jicama and vegan slices that alluded me on days previous. I declined the offer to contribute the extra spare change on my bill. I never liked this scheme as the shopper contributes some small amount and Safeway makes the contribution to a great cause through a gross of millions little subtle contributions.

And of course the tax deduction.

And about a minute later I was punished for my transgression of sorts It was raining much harder when I left the store. The rain had the same insistent intensity as an hour before, but now the raindrops were less scattered about. In my mad dash back to the car I noticed my hamstrings were tight from my run a few hours earlier. Also, the lights on my car were still on.

I thought, or at least should have thought I was only in the store for ten minutes. Whet damage could be done. That battery got lazy and less functional during the pandemic and I had failed to plan accordingly.

I put my one bag on the passenger seat and gently put the key in the ignition. The wipers started swishing and Kai Ryssdal spewed Market Place wisdom. The stock market was going to fine with joe Biden running the show.The battery had enough juice to get these going but not quite enough to turn over the motor.

Or this is the story of how I installed a motion detection system way under budget while missing a few deadlines along the way. A few years back I decided I really wanted a cordless lamp for the living room in the small place we were living in Lake Oswego. True to my nature I did very little research, did a quick internet search and found a lamp that would work in the living room. I ordered DeLight on-line.

When it arrived a few days later I was pretty damn excited. I now had a lamp, I could move closer to where ever I decided to read. The box that came to our front door was smaller than anticipated. With muted enthusiasm, I opened the box and DeLight was not what I thought I had ordered, It was extremely small, and upon closer inspection, it was more of a light one would use when camping. Much to my delight, DeLight never saw the light of day in Lake Oswego. If you check the back of DeLight’s baseball card DeLight did make a token appearances at Ollalie Lake and a secluded campground on the Oregon coast, both times while sitting on a weather worn picnic bench.

DeLight lived a rather mundane life of outlandish mediocrity hanging out with the camping gear in the garage. That is until DeLight was going to make the move to another state. DeLight steadfastly survived many days inside a moving box nestled inside a well worn sleeping bag. DeLight lived joyfully with that sleeping bag for a few melancholy years.

That is until one day DeLight was suddenly grabbed from it’s (her) resting place on the musty garage shelf. Post November windstorm, the entire neighborhood seemed to be dark and DeLight had been called into action. It was what she dreamed about. It was her Raison d’être. She sat there on the kitchen table doing what she does best. What she does best is spreading light on the world.

After the power was restored, Delight was forgotten and left to sit on the work bench next to a bunch of total strangers. She sat there on the workbench sitting next to a paintbrush and a yellow cordless drill. DeLight found much delight in conversing with the the drill. It was frustrating at times.

And by some odd quirk in the cosmos DeLight is now scaling Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Apparently, DeLight has a setting that detects motion. We found this much to our surprise, after leaving the dogs out at night. DeLight knew we are there. I walked into the dark garage and DeLight lights up like a lightning bug on a July Pennsylvania evening, It took awhile to realize this was actually happening. DeLight had solved a problem we only remotely know we had.

And she now does her job guiding us through the garage by her glowing presence.

One thing the bible over looked, Jesus may have been an astronaut. The bible is really lacking when it comes to quoting it’s sources. One thing is for sure Jesus would have loved Space Food Sticks.

The object, named Asteroid 2020 WTFISNEXT, is believed to be man made and not a piece of moon or other planetary debris. It is also highly believed to be an ill-fated promotional campaign by Pillsbury Brands. It was really a bad marketing campaign setting flossing back a decade.

“We suspect this newly discovered object 2020 WTFISNEXT to be an old Rocket boozer because it is wobbling in an orbit about the Sun that is extremely similar to Earth’s, nearly circular, in the same plane, and only slightly farther away (than) the Sun at its farthest point,” Dr. Paul Chodas, the director of NASA’s Center for Near Earth Object Studies, told CNN as he chowed down on a power bar (actually Space Food Sticks)

I digress, as there is still something heading toward our earth and the scientists have no idea what it may be. Dr. Chodas repeated this about a thousand times while about every tenth line he subtly injected the words I BELIEVE IT IS JESUS into his what had become a chant.

There is no danger to earth posed by 2020 WTFISNEXT, but its slow speed and relatively close pass-by, means scientists can study it and religious people can deny Jesus flying right by our earth. Yes it is a second coming.

Which brings up back to our sponsor, Space Food Sticks. Yes presenting the best thing that came between two meals.

Which takes me back to the big bang theory. Without a spec of fiction.

Please be patient as fall starts out with the hyperbolic beauty that sometimes overwhelms the senses. Eventually it settles into a harsh pragmatic reality.

The juice of the perfect Winesap apple dripped down her chin. The tartness quietly tickled her tongue. She sat on the bench and enjoyed the peculiar angle of the sun navigating its’ way through the yellow and red elm leaves staring back at her. Almost embarrassed and blushing was that tree as it had been the first to lose the not winnable battle with the lessening of sunlight hours. These minutes are slipping away every single day. There sits a single solitary tomato holding on for dear life relishing the last good day of the year.

In the distance a high school marching band practices for this week’s half time show, Or maybe she imagined this. A squirrel at the end of the yard buried one last walnut. A slow steady drizzle started to fall.

And back to our reality where it turns out our lying narcissistic, fascist president is just a broke father of five kids by three different women, living in public housing & dodging paying his taxes.

It is our Autumn of discontent.

We can still make it pretty damn special.

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