Or this is the story of how I installed a motion detection system way under budget while missing a few deadlines along the way. A few years back I decided I really wanted a cordless lamp for the living room in the small place we were living in Lake Oswego. True to my nature I did very little research, did a quick internet search and found a lamp that would work in the living room. I ordered DeLight on-line.

When it arrived a few days later I was pretty damn excited. I now had a lamp, I could move closer to where ever I decided to read. The box that came to our front door was smaller than anticipated. With muted enthusiasm, I opened the box and DeLight was not what I thought I had ordered, It was extremely small, and upon closer inspection, it was more of a light one would use when camping. Much to my delight, DeLight never saw the light of day in Lake Oswego. If you check the back of DeLight’s baseball card DeLight did make a token appearances at Ollalie Lake and a secluded campground on the Oregon coast, both times while sitting on a weather worn picnic bench.

DeLight lived a rather mundane life of outlandish mediocrity hanging out with the camping gear in the garage. That is until DeLight was going to make the move to another state. DeLight steadfastly survived many days inside a moving box nestled inside a well worn sleeping bag. DeLight lived joyfully with that sleeping bag for a few melancholy years.

That is until one day DeLight was suddenly grabbed from it’s (her) resting place on the musty garage shelf. Post November windstorm, the entire neighborhood seemed to be dark and DeLight had been called into action. It was what she dreamed about. It was her Raison d’être. She sat there on the kitchen table doing what she does best. What she does best is spreading light on the world.

After the power was restored, Delight was forgotten and left to sit on the work bench next to a bunch of total strangers. She sat there on the workbench sitting next to a paintbrush and a yellow cordless drill. DeLight found much delight in conversing with the the drill. It was frustrating at times.

And by some odd quirk in the cosmos DeLight is now scaling Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Apparently, DeLight has a setting that detects motion. We found this much to our surprise, after leaving the dogs out at night. DeLight knew we are there. I walked into the dark garage and DeLight lights up like a lightning bug on a July Pennsylvania evening, It took awhile to realize this was actually happening. DeLight had solved a problem we only remotely know we had.

And she now does her job guiding us through the garage by her glowing presence.

One thing the bible over looked, Jesus may have been an astronaut. The bible is really lacking when it comes to quoting it’s sources. One thing is for sure Jesus would have loved Space Food Sticks.

The object, named Asteroid 2020 WTFISNEXT, is believed to be man made and not a piece of moon or other planetary debris. It is also highly believed to be an ill-fated promotional campaign by Pillsbury Brands. It was really a bad marketing campaign setting flossing back a decade.

“We suspect this newly discovered object 2020 WTFISNEXT to be an old Rocket boozer because it is wobbling in an orbit about the Sun that is extremely similar to Earth’s, nearly circular, in the same plane, and only slightly farther away (than) the Sun at its farthest point,” Dr. Paul Chodas, the director of NASA’s Center for Near Earth Object Studies, told CNN as he chowed down on a power bar (actually Space Food Sticks)

I digress, as there is still something heading toward our earth and the scientists have no idea what it may be. Dr. Chodas repeated this about a thousand times while about every tenth line he subtly injected the words I BELIEVE IT IS JESUS into his what had become a chant.

There is no danger to earth posed by 2020 WTFISNEXT, but its slow speed and relatively close pass-by, means scientists can study it and religious people can deny Jesus flying right by our earth. Yes it is a second coming.

Which brings up back to our sponsor, Space Food Sticks. Yes presenting the best thing that came between two meals.

Which takes me back to the big bang theory. Without a spec of fiction.

Please be patient as fall starts out with the hyperbolic beauty that sometimes overwhelms the senses. Eventually it settles into a harsh pragmatic reality.

The juice of the perfect Winesap apple dripped down her chin. The tartness quietly tickled her tongue. She sat on the bench and enjoyed the peculiar angle of the sun navigating its’ way through the yellow and red elm leaves staring back at her. Almost embarrassed and blushing was that tree as it had been the first to lose the not winnable battle with the lessening of sunlight hours. These minutes are slipping away every single day. There sits a single solitary tomato holding on for dear life relishing the last good day of the year.

In the distance a high school marching band practices for this week’s half time show, Or maybe she imagined this. A squirrel at the end of the yard buried one last walnut. A slow steady drizzle started to fall.

And back to our reality where it turns out our lying narcissistic, fascist president is just a broke father of five kids by three different women, living in public housing & dodging paying his taxes.

It is our Autumn of discontent.

We can still make it pretty damn special.

Vote

It was a single glance back, she realized she couldn’t leave without grabbing one thing that he really loved. Well if not love, what he really needed.

And of course he didn’t have time to notice.

I was in an exuberant mood as I briskly walked through a rather large urban park. There was a slight hint of rain, a stronger hint of autumn – mixed with the burning of distant wildfires. Forest fires this year are the worst on record. Just a week earlier forest fire smoke overtook the area. It was a smoky quagmire of epic proportions.

Today seemed far too normal other then the less than expected bird activity. The quiet was somewhat eerie. I listen for these kind of things while hiking or walking. Who knows what is normal anymore? I took notice to a pattern of signs, regularly distributed, near the benches along the trail. They appeared in my periphery. After about six-hundred yards my curiosity got the better of me. On the first sign I examined, there was a photo of a middle aged gentleman who seemed to have gone missing.

He was pleasant enough in an ugly sort of way. He had a wry crooked smile and was in need of a shave. I believe, I remembered seeing a blip about this man on a neighborhood discussion board. From the best of memory, I thought this man had been found more than a week ago.

Or do all these memories get re-configured in our brains?

It could have been the angle of the sun, as I thought I saw a man another hundred yards along the trail. The lingering smoke from the wild fires played tricks with the psyche.

As I drew closer, my dog suddenly started limping noticeably. This is something he never did. Surprised, I got down on one knee and massaged his big black bear of a paw and glanced toward the man on the trail. The big black lab seemed to appreciate the message.

The man appeared to be putting up the signs that were scattered along the trail. He was using what looked like a small hammer gun. In retrospect it could have been a stapler.

The man, with the stapler and a handful of posters in his hand turned suddenly and met my gaze. It was a vacuous stare with no implied intent. A wind picked up from the west.

“Hey there young man those are two handsome dogs you have there.”

“Well thank you very much. I am surprised this little one here isn’t barking.”

I looked at the poster on the bench and glanced once again at the man with the stapler.

“Let me see that poster you have here.” as I said this the little dog did manage to grumble about some form of disturbance in the universe.

The man meekly handed me one of the posters. “Could you check it for typos?”

I thought for a second, that this guy looked far too similar to the guy on the posters. The crooked smile was a harbinger, or at least a hint.

“You dangled a participle in the last sentence.” I added dryly.

“Yes I was a bit of a grammar nut myself.” The man said with what could be considered a confidant, radiant smile.

“Setz dich bitte” For some reason I often spoke German with the dogs. It was the only German they heard. So for the most part it worked.

I yelled in the general direction of the little dog who is in mortal combat with a skate boarder. Given my small sample size, Jack Russell’s do not seem to like skateboards. I realized this interaction was getting a little absurd. Sometimes absurd is the little funny I sometimes enjoy. Large heavy raindrops suddenly emerged from the sky lasting what seemed like a minute.

“You look pretty similar to the guy in the photo.” I said to him, knowing the photos were inflated photocopies speckled by a newly falling unexpected rain. One could not draw exact conclusions here.

“Yes that is because he is my twin brother.” It was at this point that the man on the trail realized he had not thought his plan to entirety. He reached into his pocket to pull out his ID, and suddenly realized he was was without his wallet. Or at least that is how it appeared to me.

“Wasn’t your twin brother lost about a week ago”

“We all get lost.” Answered the man with a stapler and posters under his arm.

And then he added, “Did you come out of the woods with your dogs? I never could find the short cut to this trail. “

“Yes the dogs love getting off the pavement” I responded tepidly with out adding any further detail.

“There is nothing wrong with being lost. Being lost is kind of fun. If I were my twin brother I would stay lost for awhile. Nobody harasses you for not being where you are supposed to be. And when you are found everybody is glad to see you.”

I stood there for a few seconds looking toward the western sky, where dark clouds were gathering, with a new found determination, on the horizon. “Hey I have to get going as there looks to be some heavy rain moving in.”

“No problem brother.”

I started into a slow run and the dogs were happy to get started again. There was swimming hole another quarter mile up the trail.

The stranger yelled to me as we set off. “Could you come back here please.”

Somewhat reluctantly I obliged.

“Word gets around here pretty fast.” He said to me as the first large drops of rain hit the bill of my cap.

“I may as well come clean. I did’t expect to see anybody out on trail today. You and your dogs are pretty determined.” He said, as he folded the posters under his ample denim jacket.

“Let me guess, that is really you on the poster.” I said back to him, never really thinking how likely the scenario. It told a great story.”

“You got that right brother. I really need to get away for awhile.” He half screamed, as he followed me toward the east end of the trail. The Jack-Russell Terrier led the way with a steady, understated growl.

“No need to explain your reasoning, you aren’t in any danger?” I said back with far too much emphasis on the end of the sentence.”

“No look I am fine. I am not going any where far. I left in a hurry and my car-key and wallet were not in their usual places. I believe my lady knew I was leaving. Man the world is a nasty place at times.”

“Do you have a place to go right now?”

“Yeah I have a friend who is a about a mile from here. I can get some peace and quiet there.”

“You do what you have to do. Hey I have to get home” I stammered breaking into a slow jog as the skies started to open up.

“Your Secret is Good with me.”